tHiS otHeR eDeN__________

想飞到那最高最远最洒脱
想拥抱在最美丽的那一刻
想看见陪我到最后谁是朋友

可以一起闯祸一起沉默一起走
可以一起飞翔一起沦落
陪我一起大声狂吼
想飙到那最高最远最辽阔
想唱完那最感动的一首歌

posted by junquan 06/08/06 3:39 PM

im dying of self induced stress.

to think that ill once again...wateva.

theres school tmr.

start of another crazy week.

hadnt had enuff rest yet.

why do weekends pass so fast?

just cant wait for the national day holidays to come.

no tkd, pe, running for at least 2 more weeks.

fractured my foot with hairline crack.

kool rite.

this is the suay-est year yet.

why cant i shake off my bad luck?

...

9 more weeks to promos.

time flies.

i wish it would stop.

i wana see a happy ending.

posted by junquan 30/07/06 3:53 PM

snoozed till 130 today.

was supposed to meet shawn for pw.

waha.

but overslept.

waha.

day after day, time just pass.

weekends come and go.

so soon, its gonna be another weekend gone.

i was looking forward to a good weekend where i can rest my tormented soul.

i just cant get that yearned rest.

i wish some long weekend holiday comes quick.

going at this rate, i might just jump and die.

at least i passed blocks.

guess fear was the deadly driving factor.

but deep inside, it was the overwhelming angst to prove all things wrong.

i guess no one really understood what ive been writing at all like what maga said.

+)think no one will ever be able to.

watched maga n xinwei dance on wed for the taiwan immersion thing.

lol.

maga u auntie la ppl are so many steps ahead of u.

i think u shld just go back to running.

lol.

xinwei. oh mian. shall not elaborate.

now i move on with no concrete aim in mind.

i dont know what i want.

i feel that things are going smoothly but at the same time i feel that there are so many that are yet to be settled.

sometimes i feel relieved that i need not relive the crazy times i had in secondary school

but i also secretly wished that i had papers, deadlines, assignments, projects, events and many complains to make all over again.

its easy to settle into a slower paced, less abusive, less pressured, less face-slapping, less aggressive, less obligative environment

but at the same time its not so simple putting yesterday behind.

its satisfying to know that all you need to do everyday is listen to lectures, complete tutorials and complain about lousy canteen food.

but im not used to ending school before 3, reaching home by 6, having nothing to do after lessons, not enjoying a large circle of people i know, not going insane with seniors, not staring at girls with short skirts with my ncc guys, not screwing things up,not cleaning up my cca room all by myself on a saturday morning.

like jiawei, i miss the old times.

i remembered telling myself that i wanted a better life in jc.

but i guess its the shit hole in secondary school that made me think twice about myself and know of those who were really worth having by my side.

there were not-so-thin, not-so-pretty, not-so-brave, not-so-clever teachers and kids who never failed to make things feel like hell.

but they were the ones who let me realised that the world is not as perfect as what i dreamed it would be. they too let me realised that the only person who is ultimately responsible for keeping me sane is myself.

i keep telling myself that they wont ever come back and i know they wont.

the only way to relive those forsaken times is to pray and hope that i dream of them, and never be awoken from it.

posted by junquan 22/07/06 6:26 PM

had half day of school today

cause of some MOE thingy for teachers.

went down to coro and as usual had a runny tummy after lunch at prince

wahahhaha

the food at prince is poisionous!!

and i waited 40 mins for 852 to yck

all time record high.

wahahahaha

screwed up shit again

wasted my trip down to hq tsk tsk

mindef should just have a large scale revamp of the whole ncc system.

anw

after that went home with a friend ive knew since the first trg of ncc.

he stirred up some feelings from deep down under that ive been trying so hard to keep them buried.

i guess im too much of an idealist.

i dream of the perfect

and when things dont turn out as expected

i lament

and lose hope.

i guess its all my fault.

im trying to erase all past heart wrench

and carry on with my life in jc.

posted by junquan 07/07/06 8:01 AM

Comments (38)

blocks are over.

phew.

guess im quite satisfied with what ive done.

study quite a bit.

although still dunnoe how to do alot of questions

at least ive tried and studied

sick of failing

rarrRRRR

dont expect too much LArx

if not you'll just feel the pinch.

i think staying happy

and appreciating the people around you

and enjoying every thing that you do

and achieve to the best of you ability

are the simple pleasures in life

that make life so pleasurable.

ive learnt not to yearn too much

not to expect too much from myself.

just live everyday as it is

and having fun with people who entered my life

and remembering those who exited.

results arent as pleasing as the process.

its the process which makes us grow

and mellow.

i guess ive come to peace with myself

for now at least.

carefree

and unburden.

why stress yourself up with stuff that you cant change or make better?

i wanna live happily for the rest of the years in jc.

posted by junquan 29/06/06 6:33 PM

IM GOING MAD

DIE BLOCKS DIEEEEEEEE

posted by junquan 28/06/06 5:39 AM

Comments (41)

the demon says \^$##%@^& it

the woeful says forget it

the grateful say live and let live

obviously i havent come to terms with myself

im not the type who'll forget easily

nor am i one who forgives easily

especially if you ruined me inside out

and took pleasure in doing so

i dont usually hate people nor do i hope that they just die

but i usually do blame them for making me so miserable.

im that proud and arrogant bastard they say.

i may be proud, a little arrogant but i wont identify as a bastard

i am proud of what i have

what ive accomplished

what others around me have achieved.

im arrogant because i swear never to let people step on me and those i care so dear.

but when you see me as an uncouth brat simply because i have a different set of beliefs

i fight back and retaliate worse than before.

but..

that was all in the past

however

i can never erase that hurt

"what is one to do when one is the queen?"

what is one to do when all eyes are set upon him but he is restrained, constrained and surpressed?

i have failed greatly at where my seniors have fared so well

i look back and ponder if i was ever, ever, ever worth all the sacrifice, the tears, the trust.

you say i look back too much

but forward is shrouded as well

i want to make it big

though ive always believed that i can never do it alone.

its always .. with luck or someone helpful alongside.

i yearned for a simple life

i got it now

but, how, i wonder, would i ever stand up again?

i cant claw on the past forever

posted by junquan 19/06/06 2:03 PM

all hands down.

i wish blocks would just go and diee

rarrrrrrrrrRRRrrrRRRrrRRrrRRrrRRRRrr

sianded.

slept till 2 today then went for hi tea

and here i am burning my time away.

no mood to do anything.

i want the german jersey!!

wahahahahaa

zzzzz.

another boring week ahead.

i dun wanna stay at home.

makes me all sick and depressed.

i shall pursue my aspiration of being an ah beng and set my the house on fire.

rarrrrrrrrRRRRRRRR

*yawnx*

im bored.

posted by junquan 16/06/06 12:54 PM

Comments (39)

ill move on i guess

though you wunt really care anymore

by now

ill forget

though ull still be shoved somewhere inside

for longer than forever.

i hate to be at home

especially alone

ill start thinking and thinking and thinking

all over again

ill get to an all time low again

i wanna get out of the house

anw fac camp was incredible

though not as great as sec3 camp

was still fun nonetheless

wished i was back at ubin

with all worries and frustrations and memories shelved far far away

its always the old that hurt the most

posted by junquan 10/06/06 3:21 PM

yan ming says i should liven my blog up a little

so i shall write bout things other than my pathetic sad soul

hmm lets see

hmmm

hmmm

lets see

oh

im pai ka now

i think i sprained the rest of my toes of my left foot after tkd ytd and my BIGIBIG toe hasnt recovered from the sprain i gotten becoz of kicking dongri's foot during soccer in march wahaaaa

over stretched calf muscles are causing me to yi kuai yi kuai laRx zzzzzz

nvm i think im in love with tkd all over again

waha but ncc's still my biggest love after... lets see, many many things ahahhaz

rarrrrrrrrRRRRR

decided to nerd with selwyn today but was totally unproductive laRRRRRx didnt even complete one chapter. zzzz

i hate studying manx

if only school was all about ncc n tkd

damn kool la

but ill be in a heap of wreaked bones in a week

raaarrrrrr

one week of hols gone rarrrrrrrrr

***You Are 32% Abnormal***

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.

You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/howabnormalareyouquiz/

***Your Deadly Sins***

Envy: 80%

Greed: 40%

Sloth: 40%

Gluttony: 20%

Lust: 20%

Pride: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 29%

You will die in a duel.

How Sinful Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/howsinfulareyouquiz/

***Your Power Level is: 67%***

You're a very powerful person, and you know that all of your power comes from within.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and you'll reach your goals.

How Powerful Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/howpowerfulareyouquiz/

posted by junquan 04/06/06 5:20 PM

unspoken grief

tainted soul

looking for a place where i truely belong

it dawned upon me that all was a facade

a fake.

a bloody fake.

nothing ever existed in true form.

im totally broken.

again.

my humble abode never really lasted.

in the end,

it just

scattered.

looking green eyed at others.

only to find myself all lost and small and unrooted.

我要闯出一番天地

"you are meant for greater things"

i dont see how great things are right now.

i just wanna let it all go and break away once again like how i longed for it before.

i dun wanna continue anymore.

wrecked soul

failed heart

when things were looking positive,

someone and somethings had to upheave and overhail the order.

the year started off on a wrong footing,

but i corrected it as fast as it came

and i learnt that things werent that bad after all.

but not too long later,

this established order had to be overturned.

i guess i cant live by my own.

till now, that order hasnt returned.

and the year ahead doesnt seem smooth.

just suck me in to a vacuum cleaner/ toilet/ air con/ fan and chew/ mutilate/ annihiliate/ exterminate me.

i cant take it anymore.

ive ended myself up in a heap of entanglement again.

posted by junquan 30/05/06 2:19 PM

it was over

i chose it

now im never gonna step in again

all hurt too deep

i wished it all never happened

posted by junquan 27/05/06 4:39 PM

Comments (52)

im just a single passing shadow in the pool of light,

no one would care or bother five years down.

im a little man in a world of giants,

nobody would even mind if i ever tried to make myself look big.

im lost, alone and shrinking,

and they said goodbye to me.

im just not so used to it yet.

maybe after a few more despairing moments, heart shattering experiences and time changing events

would i be in tuned.

small_______

posted by junquan 21/05/06 5:38 AM

Comments (52)

2.28 am 130506

i cant sleep

i think too much

of the things that happened to me

before i entered this new unknown world

of the people who whizzed passed my life

before i entered this new unknown world

of the songs i listened to and made my heart sink

before i entered this new unknown world

of them whom i hurt

before i entered this new unknown world.

its them again.

i keep thinking of them.

i cant stop.

all the riches, fame, love and hate

are virtual.

im virtual too.

soon ill vanish

into the new unknown world i wandered into.

all because i miss them too much.

im so lost i dont even know what i want.

peace and quiet?

brothers of the old?

simplicity and happiness?

a warm embrace?

things change.

but i left my heart and soul behind deliberately.

simply because i cant bear to forget and let go.

time cannot return.

so i guess my heart and soul are entombed for good

till i recover them.

im afraid of being alone
so dont leave me alone

posted by junquan 12/05/06 6:38 PM

i miss those people,

who seem to understand me better than i do,

who never seem to falter in times of distress,

who never fail to back me up,

who appreciates me for who i am,

who are always around,

who make me feel wanted.

i miss them all.

alone in a new world________________

posted by junquan 07/05/06 8:37 AM

Comments (50)

tomorrow will mark the beginning of my doom.

pray for me.

send in a human sacrifice.

i will fight.

ill kill.

and get rid of all that stands in my way.

that is if i can survive first.

but for now, i shall grit my teeth and put myself through the clt course.

be back in two weeks time.

call the police if you dont hear of me by then.

posted by junquan 09/04/06 1:40 PM

life afresh.

whole new experience with absolutely nothing holding me back.

my sacrifice.

real big.

all for something which i treasure alot.

im ill treating myself again.

but its ok.

there are things which are more worthy than me.

ill just have to struggle through for one more month or so and ill be back on track, i guess.

everytime i look back,

i keep wondering if i did the right thing.

and everytime i do,

i feel as if i did not start anew,

but merely veiling time.

feels..

hollow.

and i wonder why.

anyway it is jiawei's bdae today.

haha happie birday.

6c gave him a kool birday present.

actually it was just ben farmer phay n i.

haha we stripped him n wrote "happy birthday, with love from 6c" on his belly.

hehe.

___________________________

some things are just impossible to erase.

my heart is heavy.

my mind is fluttered.

im spinning around

but im trying to hold.

hold as tight as i can.

hopefully it doesnt break all together.

我忍受寒冷的煎熬

和北风狂妄的咆哮

对命运做抵抗

posted by junquan 29/03/06 3:14 PM

the night always sets me thinking.

it's thursday already.

holidays are going to end.

practically it was catching-up-week.

haha

cat, maga n i are the pioneers of the federation of i-miss-rv.

ahahaa anything.

maga must look ahead and stop think so much about the past.

seems like everything has settled down quite nicely.

but this order will be over hauled once school starts again where everything just goes crazy.

im starting to forget everything that happened.

i dont want to remember.

i cant remember.

im ageing so quickly.

ive learnt to let go.

clasping on to things and unwilling to let go.

it wont get us anywhere.

i feel much better after releasing myself from the abyss of trauma and torment.

i want to start anew.

but i feel overwhelmed now.

by work, by people, by myself.

what do i really want?

what am i really working towards.

time is scarce.

wants are unlimited.

time to make a choice n sacrifice.

and forgo the next best alternative.

is it elastic?

will the price of letting go outweigh the change?

i wish time either go on forever or just stop n never start again.

im not tired of life.

im just bored by it.

however, no matter how much we want to stop it

the past just returns to haunt us.

all the memories

are etched deep within.

no matter how much we want to deny that these events ever happened

we know that we can never run away frm them and that we were once part of them and will always be.

what is new and what is old?

all is predestined.

the new just gives us a sense of anticipation.

while the old provides us with a tinge of sourness.

once anticipation turns to sourness,we know its over.

i guess ive been locked up for too long.

thats how i am.

i dont usually talk about myself, my troubles, my worries, my joys.

i dont even know how to start.

so why bother.

im my best friend.

i dont know.

i guess i just dont like letting people into my life.

ill have to trust them fully first before i can do that.

i dont want to be retained.

random.

sometimes i just feel so lost n resigned.

other times i feel so defiant and hot headed.

i guess sometimes its just better to be alone.

yin wei ji mo, suo yi deng dai
yin wei deng dai, yu shi ji mo

posted by junquan 15/03/06 4:59 PM

first week in hwachong.

i feel like im wearing a gunny sack.lol

the principal reminds me of tham tuck meng.

the canteen looks horrible and the food is horrible.

i think im too used to nj food.

the canteen vendors like to pull long faces.

so unfriendly.

the school is huge.

ok lar not really.

i love my classrooms.

theyre air conditioned.

makes me fat though.

no perspiring.

i love cephas.

hes damn farnie.

im dying.

lessons are so far ahead.

i dun understand no nuts.

my class is farnie.

haha.

i miss a02 and chen wei.

i miss nj toilets.

hc toilets stink.

haha.

we play chapteh.lol.

the lecturers are not so bad.

only thing is that they have difficulty pronouncing words.

my faculty got thrashed big time.

haha.

hwachong.like a china.

rv had 500 000 prcs.

hwachong has 5 million.

im in an lep class.

hurhur.

theres this eurasian guy in my class whos damn smart.

the people there make me feel so stupid.

damn.

got owned.

never mind ill win the day.

on second thoughts

maybe not.

time to nerd.

have no cca yet.

no time.

make up lessons almost everyday till end of april.

damn.

im dying.

nevermind.

probably made a right choice to switch.

dont know.

still too early to tell.

i need to eat more fish.

to make me smarter.

i miss 261105.

i miss chen wei.

i miss my imperial subjects.

i miss nj people.

i miss the pao pao cha.

i miss the weatern food, prata, cai fan, ice and the track toilet.

nevermind.

i sat on the bus today.

and watched my life pass me by.

4 years in rv.

just wooshed pass like that.

so many things.

so many people.

never thought rv was boring though.

just a little monotonous.

never like the school admin, as usual.

typical me.

haha.

2 months in njc.

passed so fast too.

met so many people.

left so many memories behind.

all for better days ahead.

people are just passing phase of your life.

i know my english sucks.

most importantly,

this a world where the strongest survives.

yi ge ren de shi jie.

i will win.

posted by junquan 10/03/06 1:43 PM

Comments (38)

[[edit]]
020306 0019h
i feel like ive screwed myself up

things just go wrong

i wanna start afresh

jae posting is coming out tmr

i feel screwed

screw me

i need counselling

time to see look

anything

clt course.ncc.maldives.nj.hwachong.
a02.261105.me.hockey.taekwondo.
rv.

just kill me

in need of a real friend
______________________

my life's a mixture of gruel, puke, scum and leftovers in a pot.

constant heartwrench, regrets and head-banging.

the feeling is just all too familiar.

the feeling of being a low-down. down right, straight fat loser, idiot and coward.

everytime people looked down on me, i told myself to piss on them because one day ill make them feel sorry for looking down on me.

i always managed to do that.

now it seems that the whole world is looking down on me again.

damn you people, because you will all be under my toes again.

i hate being looked down upon.

ill never let anyone look down on me, my family, my friends.

the only thing is

the only person looking down on me now is myself.

time reversed.

my life's in a wreck again.

i cant seem to pick myself up.

whenever i gain momentum, i just get dropped again.

it all got to a bad start from the beginning.

canoe, arts course, crap seniors, hockey, a02, everything.

at first i was dying to start all over again.

then i got used to things.

and now i dont want to let go.

but truth is, i have to in not long to come.

my world came crashing down on me today.260206

now my world seems to be spinning and whirling-rolling all the way back to the start.

im not happy.

hadnt been for quite some time.

i wanna throw everything away.

sleep forever.

because i know thaT ill sink back once i wake up.

im still not happy.

i hate myself.

i hate my life.

i once told my juniors that the only cca i look down on is one that looks down on itself.

such irony.

im not happy.

posted by junquan 26/02/06 2:17 PM

i dont know. stop asking me. i dont even know what to do. crap. the inner ghosts are dying to be released. the only thing stopping them is a paper-thin glass.

posted by junquan 26/02/06 7:13 AM

okie im back after a month long hibernation.

okie, today's the second last day of 2005 just a few more days before i start a brand new term in NJ!!! bwahahahaa hahaaz alot of things have happened since i last blogged, but im too lazy to recall ahahahaa hmmmx basically alot of slacking, spending money, movies, chalets, drinking sessions (lol during nc chalet only laRx), working n canoe trainingss muahahaa oh manx holidays never felt so good before! hoho but its all gonna end sooon. hmmm lets seee, i dont really feel a sense of loss nor reluctance after leaving rv. lalaaaz maybe im just immune to all. nothing let much to reminise except ncc, canteen aunties, sec2 classmates and some of my tong chuang hao you hahaz. actually i feel that its a little of a pity that i dun miss rv (yet) but who cares, not that i can help it anyway. just go forward and embrace new times. anyway, nj would be quite an rv muahahahaha

muahaha im planning a wardrobe makeover!!! ahahahaa make way for my new clothes!!! hohoo and my new myuk wallet n quiksilver slippers muahahaz

okie i shall do a self evaluation for this year. muahahaha okieee this year im not that anti social okie at least i started mixing with the dota gang n guan hoe. haha tgt with guan hoe, we form the non dota outcasts lol hahaaz next, ive been a slacky vp aiya heck muahahaaz okie next. ncc! wahahaha ehhhx cant rmb much lehx hahaaz okie had a flopped march camp after which was promoted to master sergeant despite my lousy performace at march camp.then april got national outstanding cadet award hmmm after that nuthing much, rod in september i think. quite a romantic one muahaha yep then handed over the reins to ziyang. okie council. hmmmm what did i do? oh had that kuku carnival thingy at the start of the year. hmm i think i suck at organising thingsss but at least my uniform sales last week went smoothly muahhaaha. after which there wasnt much to do in council, well at least for me ahahahaa o ya n got scolded by lookie 4 times in total for gel-ing my hair lalalaaz o ya n was late on my last day of school muahahahaz results. aiya dun wanna talk about it laRx booom booom hmmmx welll basically there 's nothing interesting about this year coz its all about studying studying studying n retiring. hmmmx

posted by junquan 30/12/05 10:51 AM

Triple J!!

shuhui n vivien

the OnGs

cat

liupu the drunk groping me]

zigui n liupu

huixin n peckyan

lao ma lao pa and er zi

ming2

junxiong

bae

rae

cookie monster and yu ping

in the toilet

pok and shihui

hormat

in the toilet II

yirene jialin and layhui

my tu di

cheng wang jun quan hong!!

PT lim

liu pu n dessie

posted by junquan 30/11/05 7:26 AM

Comments (49)

last night was grad nite hahaaz not bad laRx quite fUnz bwahaa everyone looked so differentzz i think this will be one rare school event that ill rmb.+DDhaha i had red hair!!!!! junhong jeepoh n i DIY wahaha we're the triple J!!!

okie the passing of grad nite officially marks the end of my time in rv. its bittersweet. there was a point of time when i really hated going to school but at the same time i found really great friends to tide through the times together. guess ill always rmb the triple J trio, SC peeps, the Ncc guys and many others who made my day weeeeheeeee im suddenly feeling alittle unwilling to move on because i may never get to see those people again. hmm whatever it is, i love everyone muahaaa hmm wait for me to change my blogskin then i cn upload the pics i took at grad nite wahahaaa

posted by junquan 30/11/05 6:13 AM

Comments (41)

half way already.
just another week more to go.
all seem so fast.
then ill be able to lay all bad dreams to rest.

ive given up talking.
i wun speak anymore.
makes no difference nontheless.

posted by junquan 11/11/05 4:56 AM

dun u feel that we are all so fragile and jealous? coveting whatever that belongs to others yet so afraid to get hurt. die laaaa im not making any senseee aaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my whole worlds jumbled up nothings making any sense any moreee aaaahHHHHHHhh the logical is illogical raaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHH zzzzzzzz talk tooo meeeeeee. nahh dun talk to meeeeeee im better off alonee aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHH

posted by junquan 25/10/05 1:14 PM

silent thoughts rumble through my mind day and night and they are being
transferred into distorted dreams.
now i cant even differentiate and distinguish between what had happened and what did not.
perhaps im just too weary,so much so that i get frustrated very easily.
ahh
it'll go away.
for now ill just have to live with it and hope for it to end.

the end____________________

posted by junquan 20/10/05 2:37 PM

Comments (50)

ahhhhhh nooooooo!! u will be my down falll!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH prac next week then chinese next nest week then all the other papers next next next weeeeeekkk!!!! ahhhhhhh dieeee laaaRRRxxx okie la die-ded le. im sleeepy -yawnx-

posted by junquan 17/10/05 5:14 AM

--.. .... . -. -.. . -..- ..
.-.. .
.-- . ..
... .... . -- .
.-- ---
.--- .. ..-
... .... ..
.--- . ..
- ..- ---
-... ..-
.-.. .. .- ---

tmr s the last day of school. manx suddenly feel a little bu she de.
ahhhHHHHHHx hmmmx happy last day.

posted by junquan 13/10/05 2:35 PM

bzzzz school's getting boring nowadays. so many free periods with tons of tys n prelim papers to complete. anyway, hope mr ang's alright. bzzzzzz sianx manNx so many ppl pon school, maybe i shld pon too. bzzzzz o levels 3 weeks away. wahaha so fast siazzz but im still in slack mooooooooood.bzzzzzz.. should get a cart load of coffee ready to battle my sleepiness. then ill have caffine overdose then ill die. weeee~ siaNz laRx
bzzzz i shall get a tan after o levels.
throw my books into a bonfire.
create a new thai name.
get a new haircut n new clothes.
get an ipod nano.
wreak havoc.
bzzzzzz
but its so long to go for o s to be over
bzzzzzz

damn.
caught aGAIN.
oh well.
i suck at this anyway.
so,
i guess ill just let another chance pass like that.
bish.
what to do.

`solitude______

posted by junquan 06/10/05 10:49 AM

sometimes i just dont feel like doing it.
its just that non-obligation.
seriously i think there's something wrong in here.
never mind, at least there's a little improvement.
just not in-built.
not the type of thing that i will do.
or maybe i just needa find the right group of people.
they say small minds talk about people, mediocre minds talk about things, and great minds talk about ideas to make things work.
so i guess i shouldnt worry too much about this.

i dont know what the ending will be.
or maybe i do.
it'll probably end the same way as before.
just too passive.
told you ive got bad genes.
i just cant be.
fickle minded.
passive.
annoying.
transparent.
abnormal anxiety.
i guess its all about feelings.

my lips can never seem to stop peeling and the old fracture in the ankle is starting to work up again.

geesh.

posted by junquan 30/09/05 5:56 PM

there seems to be joy in misery.
perhaps its just that its all too familiar.
but trust me
there is absolutely nothing masochistic or sadistic about me.
i seem to not know how to talk anymore.
that prolonged silence.
i dont know.
it just came back after that long period of hustle and bustle.
and the pain and swell in that old fracture of the right ankle is not making things any better.
neither is having insensitive family members.
while others rejoice at the company and attention they get,
i frown at mine.
no hard feelings but there is a lack of a connection.
every afternoon, i grin at the fact school's over.
but now
i dont even wish to come home.
how bout having to live with a person whom you are so closely related to but have no interaction with.
since 5 years ago.
probably i was made to put things back into place.
but im not that noble.
i have bad genes in my blood.
and im not liking any of this.
i feel like breaking

posted by junquan 22/09/05 9:27 AM

Comments (53)

used to the life ive been leading.
afraid to break out to new.
looking on helplessly as others leave for better.
still afraid.
unable to thrust.
leaving me all alone once more.
unbelievable.
losing all that i searched for and built.
social disability.
still afraid.
alone and losing all.
scream.
hate.
still afraid.
the first step is always the hardest.
what do you do when you dont even dare to think about taking this first step?

afraid________

posted by junquan 15/09/05 7:14 AM

I HATE PHYSICS

posted by junquan 11/09/05 7:46 AM

Comments (50)

wahahaa finally went out ytd, out of that darn cave hole ive been cowering in since start of prelims weeeeEEeee~ hahaaAz went to watch san ge hao ren after my history fiesta at je lib. wawaaaaHHHhhh sianx sianxx siannxxx may prelims end quickly, then again, o levels will come ard after that. o well. wahaha new blog songGGzzzzz aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

posted by junquan 08/09/05 10:34 AM

two weeks into prelims, another two weeks plus one week of holidays to go. time seem to pass so slow.geesh. was feeling particularly elated after friday coz no more papers till another week. but after two days of slacking, watching tv n becoming cocked eye, i feel that i starting to experience moral and social disintegration. wwaaaaaHHH i have a boring lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz shrucks baaaAAAAAhhhHHHHHH
wahahaa realised alot of sec3s are very frustrated with their ct results. haha no fret we ve all been there before, just needa jiayou

hmmmZ lets see,
1. i miss cca
2. im starting to hate exams, so draggy
3. i like my glasses okie
4. i think im short, okie laR im short
5. i lead a boring life
6. down with all who look down on uGs
7. my headaches are coming back
8. i think bball's cursed, i keep getting smashed in the face
9. i shall not play bball
10. i shall cont with my training after exams wahahaha finally after 2 yrs of stagnanation
11. i like the song on my blog wah哈

sianx my life revovles around eat shit study watch tv n sleep. walaaaaOOOOO cant stand it laRRRx must get a lifeeeee RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAGgggggggggHHH!!!

posted by junquan 03/09/05 12:49 PM

Your Birthdate: October 27

Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energy) adds a tone of selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path.

Certainly, you are one who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good bit of time to be by yourself to rest and meditate.

There is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in most of things that you do.

This birthday helps you be broadminded, tolerant, generous and very cooperative.

You are the type of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends.

You tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you able to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return.

wahahahaaA which means im a nice guy

posted by junquan 31/08/05 3:06 PM

wa lau chem paper sucked like shit today aaaaaaaaHHHHHHH paper one minus fourteen marks liao lorRx boooooo~ but its okie, after watching gladiator i found hope!!! if russell crowe can beat a comeback after being captured as a slave and betrayed by the emperor, so can i!!!!!general turned gladiator turned hero!!!! whos the king??? whos the king??? im the king!!!! wahahaha chem shall not beat me down! boooooo~ i told u im imcapable of highly intellectual entries. wahahahaA` hail russell crowe!!

posted by junquan 29/08/05 1:56 PM

Comments (41)

yeaHH one weeek down wahahhaaaaAAA ouch now my ass hurts. damn laRx i think my body is rotting, post retirement effects. ahaahaAz after reading other ppl's blogs i think i shld write more sensible and intellectually sound content in mine. bwahahaaa but who caRex im rockalicious weeEEeee~ damn my dizziness is back. lalaaRx. first week of prelims, okie laRx not that bad. hahaAR im feeling so high now! wwEEEeee~ well nuthing much to say just hope this hectic period will be over soon.

seeking solace_____

posted by junquan 26/08/05 1:01 PM

Comments (54)

]]edit
wa sai i feel all groggy and im getting sudden pangs of i-want-to-faint feelings. oh my, i think theres smt wrong inside my head

ouch ouch ouchouch. stiff neck ahhhhHHH the whole back of my head hurts. tightened veins, poor circulation. oh my. ouch. n i feel light headed, oh gosh. ss time jiayou people.

posted by junquan 24/08/05 8:03 AM

Comments (49)

oh my. first day of prelims. weeeeEEEEeee alamak slacking here. wahaha its just the start of a marathon, just 1000m short of a sprint. lalaAz arrrHHHHH study study study. okie i shall be a nerd. wei le wo de xing fu!!! NeRD oNG!!!!

xiu xi shi wei le zhou gen yuan de lu. wo yao nu li xiang shang!!!! wei le wei lai!! wei le xing fu!!!! but sucks la i think im gonna die halfway. can already predict my l1r5 for prelims. haish. nvm , wo hui jin li de!!! off i go to bed with SS!!!

posted by junquan 22/08/05 11:14 AM

Comments (53)

]]edit
20/8/2005 1pm
third day of my non stop headache marathon. what if ive got a brain tumour???!!!!!*GASP* waHx fever last nite. damn damn damn

aaaHHHHHHHHz headachEEEEEExxxx ssooorrreee thrrroooaaaaaTTT agaaaIINNNNNN aaaaaaaaaaaHHHZZZZZZ waHHHHxxx wasted another day trying to nurse my throbbing head. has intended to mug through the nite, but seems impossible now. my head is KiiiiLLLLing meee aaaaHHHHHHzzzz waaaaHHHHHx bad bad time to get sicKKKKKkkkkk damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaHHHHHHhhhxxx im dyingggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!ouch ouch ouch pre prelims depression!!!!!

posted by junquan 19/08/05 1:13 PM

Comments (57)

shit i think im getting faT faT Fat eating philadelphia cheeeeeese spread as i type wahahah it says 80% less fat than margarine or butter so shld be fine laRxx. sai, prelims next weekx. think im too slack must buck up but im too lazY laRRx. come home eat dinner do homewk then sleepy liao how to do revisions? hai hai hai i seriously think im flop prelims aiya heck laRx kai xin jiu haO lalaaRx okiee i have many complains to make, lets gooooo

1. yeow is such a fag siaAzz, u noe huhz the tchers hv this tendency to blow things up n make a trivial matter seem so detrimental lalalaaRx wa laooOOO stop pinning all the responsibility onto the students for goodness sake we demAND the right for freedom of SpeecHHH!!!
2.the tchers are childish
3.the teaching staff is suffering from a brain drain.
4.we have a very inefficient physics teacher "ok erase erasee erase whatever i said just now. oh,did i say that?pleaseeee pleassseee i beg youuu"
5.my specs are smashed
6.im too sleepy all the time to be an effective learner.
7.i failed two zuo wen in a row, an all time loWWWW aaaHHHHH im so demoralised
8.my back still hurts hell
9.im starting to grow more pimples
10. i think im faT

damn i think im behaving more n more like a faggot n im getting too whiny. aiya nvm laR its alright to whine once in a while. pre exams depressioN. okie makaN timeEEEE

posted by junquan 17/08/05 11:06 AM

pon school today!! ponponponponponnnn!!!!!!! wahahahaa okie laRx not pon okie. im sick +)) reaallyyy lArrx used 6 packets of tissue ytd plu two from peck boon n created a mucus bomb. haish sianx now my nose hurts from all the blowingxxx. siaNz i dont feel like studyingz though prelims in one week time. oh great. sianx sianx sianx
*yawnx* time for my after-medication-nap

posted by junquan 12/08/05 5:43 AM

Comments (39)

okie tiem to update my blog.

wahahaha went for rod yesterday. haha not bad at all, very impressive. many thanks to ziyang, zhihong,kok hao n co, xin-something, jasmine n co. haha apparently the parts seem very united. thats a good thing. hehehx there, i knew that we didnt make a wrong choice +D
and apparently ncc has grown to become more of a cca than a military institue now. thats a partially good thing too.

waaaH. went to the doctor today. i have a severely bad back condition. the left side of my back is higher than the right. ohMYYY!!!! under the doctor's advice, i shall walk with my back straight from now on. TING XIONG!!!!!!

agm's on monday. how should i feel? sad? happy? sianx?

i shall choose siaNz

posted by junquan 06/08/05 11:04 AM

waaaHHH saaaaIIIII i slept for two hours maNzzz n woke up for dinner n i im sleepy again. zzzzzzzzz. the week is coming to an end agaIINNNZZZ AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okie must study chinese rivers and maths ltrzz mannz i think ill just fall asleep while studying chinese. geessh. i miss ccA. n i think my new haircut looks aweful. stoopid barber. lalaRx schools starting to suck againNNNNZZZZZz haiyaaa off to study. maNn i needa get a life. aaaaaHHHHHHHH geog chi n mathssss here i COOOMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE

posted by junquan 27/07/05 12:31 PM

my.

im feeling dead nowadays. stop reminding me that prelims are in 4 weekssss!!!!! manx. so unmotivated. feeling sian-ded all over again. whhhhyyyyyyyy aaaaaaHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! get out of my LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmmmx. here is why i feel like an ass
1. my english sucks n i cant seem to improve it. it didnt use to be like this.
2. i can never complete n meet my study target.
3. im ever tired n sleepy compared to the average person.
4. i wanT to study but that urge just seem to go away when im at the table.
5. school is a bore.
6. my back ache is aggravating day by day, think its gonna snap one day.
7. people around me are starting to make me nervous.
8. some asses just neve fail to piss me off.
9. ITSSS BAAAACKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10. i just wanna get things over n done with but there never seem to be any progress.
11. i feel torn apart by many things.
12. the sleepy bug is stuck in my head.
13. EGG is not allowing us to take off our rings though we re just white elephants now.
14. LOOOOOK makes me fart in agony.
15. its july.
16. there are remidials everyday.
17. time passes too quickly.
18. im broke.
19. im addicted to smsing.
20. im forever tired.

time for me to get down to work. but theres that dumb thing bogging me down. aaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

musssssssstttt lEEEETTTTT GOOOOOOO!!
MMMMUUUUUSSSSSSTTT!!!!!!
haha i like doing this.

posted by junquan 25/07/05 12:39 PM

Comments (69)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHhh
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

MUSSSSSSTTT SSSSTTTTUUUDDDDYYY
TOOOOOO SLEEEEEEEPPPPPYYYYYYYY
ehx rhymes sia

posted by junquan 24/07/05 1:20 AM

Comments (40)

oh my ahmituofo. i thought i was supposed to bury all feelings for it. i thought i told myself not to get sucked into it again. oh no oh no!!!!! aaaaaHHHHHHHHHH but wwwwhhhhhYYYYYY???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhHHHHHggggggRRRRR!!!! i felt it i felt it!!!!!! its bacccccckkkkkk!!!!!. but i know theres no point in rekindling and pursuing it anymore coz i know that itll never ever work out in the end. im just too passive. maybe its just that im too fickle. too sentimental muahahahaaAz. oh my oh my!!!! ssstttoooooooPPPPPP thinkIIINNNNGGGG boutttt itttttttttttt!!!!! aaaaHHHHHHHx!!!!! its compelling but the same time frustrating. ever felt that u wanna get close but ur ignored n you dont know what u shld do which as a result pisses you of? yea, thats it.

posted by junquan 23/07/05 1:44 PM

Comments (58)

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha
ahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
ahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahaha
haahhahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaha
haahhahahahahahahahahahahahhaahaahh
ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
'ahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha
ahahhahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahah
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha
hahahahahahahhahahhahahahahh
ahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhaahhaa

phew. that feels better.

posted by junquan 17/07/05 7:54 AM

Comments (49)

okie, i shall continue with part 3 of my memoir lol.

july saw the relief of the old guard and the rise of the new dragons. we were an over zealous bunch of people and excited at the prospect of being specialists. the future just seemed so hopeful. honestly it wasnt easy being a specialist, i would have preferred to remain as a cadet, corporal, lance corporal, private- who cares? my job basically was more of observing and behind the scenes work, though i really preferred to remain at the grass roots level.

once appointed, the main job of mine was to decide on posts for our specialists. " you can never please everyone" many would say, and that was the grim fact. i admit that people soon got upset and many actually accused us of biasness. however i can honestly reply without a sour tinge in my conscience that the sole n most important factor i considered was capability.

i also admit that on the way, i had committed some mistakes and misjudgements. i wouldnt defend myself by saying that to err is human because i believe that the most important thing is to be able to face up to the ugly side of oneself.

my memories of being a specialist arent as colourful as that of being a cadet. i would others to judge all that ive accomplished and all that ive bungled. what i want to say is that ive done whatever i could to my maximum ability and i have no regrets after my three and the half years in this unit. i remember that i made a wishlist last christmas and one of the points i listed was to be a proud csm of a proud unit to be proud of. to others, i do not know and will not comment. but to me, i can safely put a tick beside that statement.

to any part cs who may chance upon this long winded entry of mine, this is what i want to tell you guys.
our unit was very shaky some years back and it wasnt doing very well from what i observed. so much so that we slipped to silver in 2003. however aaron n co managed to salvage this and hoist us to such great heights and attaining the never before rank of being the second best unit. the part ds managed to maintain this for another year running and amazingly it did not rain on ncc day this year. it is now up to you guys to keep that phoenix, which rose from the ashes, flying up there. it doesnt matter how much the clts, teachers or whoever nag about the slackish standards of the ugs nowadays. as long as you guys can strive and stretch to your maximum potential. it is all about leaving no regrets and being able to, one day, look back and say that ive did RVNCC proud.
it is now time for the old dragons to back down and let the new knights to dominate.

all these things may sound corny and mushy all together simply because no one ever spoke of his cca, his life, his world in such a manner. however this does not mean that i cant do it.

now that i can lay ncc matters down with peace, it is time for me to strive for myself. the battle ahead is a lonely one. but it is ok, because i KNOW that i can leave the unit in good hands and that i finally have something to be proud of and call my own.

RVNCC forever_______

posted by junquan 13/07/05 12:31 PM

Comments (59)

letting go may not always be a bad thing. sometimes when you let go, you may actually feel that your live will become less precarious and more carefree.

now ill just have to start worrying bout prelims!!!! 5 more weeeeeeekkssssss damnzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. i think im gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee n my ass is gonna shrink lalalaaaaaaAAAzzz.

Let go_____

posted by junquan 12/07/05 1:35 PM

Comments (60)

sometimes when you want to completely forget something as if you ve never known it, it just pops out in front of you again and once you see it, you cant help but to connect with it again and feel the same frustration, sweetness and dilemma all over again. you will want to cling on to that memory but at the same time desiring to desperately erase it.

contrary to what i thought, someone actually had the image of me that was reflective of what i am, to such a great extent that i felt that finally someone was able to understand me. probably it was simply the physcological barrier which i erected that caused myself such hurting misery. perhaps i was meant to make it big, but i despised upon myself, diminishing all value and suppressing all power to soar. "... dont lose yourself. make the environment YOU." probably i had been too hard up on myself, choosing to view myself in such bad light. finally after so long, ive gained a new perspective. lets hope things will work out. thank you, thank you for believing n understanding.

posted by junquan 09/07/05 1:14 PM

okie. time to continue my story. here it goesssss----
my time in part c was the best, ever. things started to take shape-the fats around my waist were officially dissolved(yayy!!),i could now wear the basic four and we would soon take over. pt became a breeze and activities were more fun than ever, coupling with the fact that we had ching-hui as pc/apc. we were jubilated to learn that hq had sent invitations for our guys to march in the national day parade and the syf opening ceremony. taking that as a motivation, our drills improved and got less pumpings from ching-hui(serious!). i cant seem to explain, but 2004 was my best ncc year, the "brightest". i dont know about the others but to me, NCC soon became more than just a CCA. it became my life. it evolved to a stage where it became "no NCC, no joy" and to one where pumpings, scoldings, trashings, changing parades, running up and down, pt, drills, mass bathing and orders were no longer seen as torment. instead it became glue, attaching me more and more towards NCC. pumping makes NCC. shouting makes NCC. physical endurance make NCC. mental stamina makes NCC. perspiring makes NCC. authority makes NCC. NCC is about respecting yourself and others. NCC is about stretching yourself to the maximum. NCC is about challenging mental barriers. NCC is about doing what it takes to get the job done. NCC is about trying to be the best, being the best and maintaining as the best. NCC is about brotherhood, strength, tears and eventually reaching the peak. NCC is about taking pride in receiving commands, doning the military uniforms, carrying out orders and puting your 101% in everything that you do. the virtues of an RVNCC cadet are, acting with graciousness, standing up against uninvited blasphemy, defending and doing what is right, pushing to the end and being noble and magnanimious in both mind and spirit .

being able to wear the no1 ceremonial dress and to fire the M-16 blank shots were definitely once in a lifetime. the scale up mt ophr would certainly be another event which would be etched deep inside me. though just over 4000 ft above sea level, the quest against soil, mud, files, smelly feet, wet underwear, filthy shoes, heavy harvesacks was hunger was a great achievement for kidos like us. n certainly not forgetting picture 4 (lolx go ask selwyn about it). next up was spec course, though nothing worth remembering about it, i met some really nice guys from other schools-hanafi (commonwealth), chang yu(bukit batok) and shayden, okie la its wei yu (newtown). june 2004- 2SGT

part 2 ends here. i shall continue with it another time.

brotherhood, strength, tears and eventually reaching the peak___

posted by junquan 02/07/05 1:45 PM

[edit]
1 july 2005 2100hrs

today is the 1st of july 2005, NCC day. this morning's parade was the last NCC day parade that i took part in.
shitx i think im gonna miss NCC alot. these 3 1/2 years were really worthwhile to me and i feel that i had not wasted my time in NCC. back in 2002 when i first comtemplated joining NCC, i was terribly worried that i did not have what it took to be a cAdet. looking at the dignified way the seniors carried themselves and how enormous their biceps were n how sexy their leg muscles were, i was afraid that the puny me would not be up to task. however i joined it anyway because i could not play any instruments, basketball, badminton or table tennis
, dance or run fast enough to get into athletics though i wanted to initially.
i was amazed and fascinated by their sharp drills and at the way the seniors were able to shine their boots till they could reflect ur teeth when u smile. i think they looked very cool when they drilled. i was never an expert at shooting, save for that time when i luckily got 19/20 in sec 2. hAhHAzz. when i was in sec 1 n 2, the pt was horrendously horrendous. exercises ranged form 200 jumping jacks, 100 sit ups, 200 pumpings, 15 chin ups,and 50 leg raisers to completing the obstacle course twice. by the time we were supposed to do chin ups after running around the field 6 times, we were totally exhausted already. hahaz yea and the field was always wet due to the morning dew. dripping with perspiration, we could literally wrench the perspiration off our t shirts. and next comes the worst part-- changing into no4 within 10 mins. well we'd never know if we're early coz no matter what we would always get whacked. yea i couldnt remember a time when we werent. after that we spent the rest of the day drilling away under the torturous sun and more pumpings were on the way. i remember ming quan giving us a pumping quota of 1000 for every activity. well, never once was it met. lolx.the most was only a few hundred. people think that life in NCC is drony and monotonous but to me its all in the mind. whether something is boring or not, its all up to you to decide how you want to experience it and to me, i had the best times of my life in NCC. no matter how tiring the training was( which includes changing parade that was quite common in lower sec), i think that the strength of the human spirit has no boundaries. o ya, talking about changing parades, to me, only the weak will argue against it.hahaAx. okie i shall stop here for now and continue my story tmr.

RVNCC Unit-one to be proud of__

tomorrow will be the 1st of july, 104th birthday of NCC.

espirit de corps___

posted by junquan 30/06/05 10:45 AM

right, im out of there.

put it more clearly then ill probably understand. dunt noe if ill regret saying them.

no longeR__

posted by junquan 25/06/05 5:23 PM

[edit]
i should continue reassuring myself that i live my life for myself and that i shouldnt be bogged down by other people's thoughts and nonchalance. i make my own decisions, i live by my own rules and even if i get screwed up side down, its my life my business, becoz no one cares.

so why should i?

wahahaaA went out with lemon, salmon, victor, dong, liu pu, pt, zigui on friday. muahhhxxxx went to play pooL at beauty world wahahahahaAAAAzz damn fun siAz although we were a big bunch of noobs, but we had a hell of a tiMe muahahaha then an uninvited guest camEx. aiya oki la he was invited by selwyn but he didnt tELL us . mianZ. yayYY!! im starting to get a lIFe manZ wooohOOO!!! nahahaAz manz after that went to plaY lAN at queenstown. Can U beLIeve it?!! i actually played DOTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! ohmigoD. quite dumb laRx but who cares? you de wan jiu hao. budden those stoopid smoking, stop-looking-or-we'll-smack-your-face ah bengs were damn annoying loRx. liew. hecK laRx ltr guai lan them then get whacked.bt actually nvm lar we send dong to the front line to pinch their *=D* while the rest of us make our escape.yayy so funz after being cooped up at home for 3 wks weeeee~

manz one more week to school!!!!aaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and i dun feeL like studyinGx.. as quoted from LILI "who cares bout studying let's enjoy the daMn HoLs" bwahahahaaAx my sentiments exactlY

manz n i feeL so down recently. nahnahHx i shall look for something to spice up my LiFEEx heheX.

[edit]
i will not tolerate indiscipline and insurbordination

posted by junquan 19/06/05 5:31 AM

MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE SONG

ASS LIKE THAT
The way you shake it,
I can ’t believe it, I ain ’t never seen an ass like that
The way you move it, you make my pee pee go... d-doing doing doing
I don’t believe it, it’s almost to good to be true
I ain’t never seen an ass like that
The way you move it, you make my pee pee go... d-doing doing doing

The way she moves, she’s like a belly-dancer
She shakin that ass to the new Nelly jamz
I think someone’s at the door but I don’t think Imma answer
Police saying, FREEZE... d-doing doing doing
What do you mean freeze? Please I’m a human being
I have needs, I’m not done, not til I’m finished peeing
I’m not resisting arrest, I am agreeing Mr. Officer
I’m already on my knees, I can’t get on the ground any further
It’s impossible for me, and do not treat me like a murderer
I just like to pee, pee, pee, Yes, I make R&B I sing song, it go Ringy Chong ah Ching Chong Chong Chong Ching
psyche, I joke I joke, I kid I kid. If offend, I’m sorry
Please, Please forgive, for I am Triumph, the puppet dog
I am a mere puppet, I can get away anything I say and you will love it

The way you shake it
I can’t believe it, I ain’t never seen an ass like that
The way you move it, you make my pee pee go d-doing doing doing
Jessica Simpson, looks oh so tempting
Nick, I ain’t never seen an ass like that
Every time I see that show on MTV my slinky goes...d-doing doing doing

Mary Kate and Ashley used to be so wholesome
Now they getting older, they’re starting to grow bum bums
I go to the movies and sit down with my popcorn
Police saying, FREEZE... d-doing doing doing
What do you mean freeze? JEEZ I just got my seat
I have ticket, look I put away, my zipper zipped
Please do not remove me from this movie theatre, please
I did not even get to see Mary Kate’s shower scene
I didn’t mean to be obscene or make a great big scene
And don’t treat me like I’m Pee-Wee Herman
This movie’s PG, Mr. Officer, I demand to see my attorney
I will simple plead innocent, cop a plea, and be free
Free, yes free, right back on the streets
What you mean my lawyers with Michael, He’s too busy?
I am Triumph, Britney Spears has shoulders like a man
And I could say that and you laugh cause there’s a puppet on my hand

The way you shake it
I can’t believe it, I ain’t never seen an ass like that
The way you move it, you make my slinky go d-doing doing doing
Hilary Duff is not quite old enough so I ain’t never seen a butt like that
Maybe next year I’ll say ass and she’ll make my slinky go... d-doing doing doing

The way she moves she dances like a GO-GO
In that video she sings “get out” you bozo
I need a new boyfriend, Hi my name is Jo-Jo
Police saying, FREEZE... d-doing doing doing

What do you mean freeze? My computers will be seized
And my keys to my ranch. I just baked cookies
Mr. Officer, lookie, take a whiff of these
Here, I make Jesus juice, take a sip of this
Nobody is safe from me, no not even me
I don’t even know if I could say the word pee pee
Pee on the radio but I think I did
Janet is that a breast? I think I just saw a tit
psyche, I joke I joke, I kid I kid.
I don’t think my joke is working I must flee
Quick, get to the chopper, everybody get out
I am not Triumph, I am Arnold, get down

The way you shake it
I can’t believe it, I ain’t never seen an ass like that
The way you move it, you make my pee pee go DONG DONG DONG
So Gwen Stafani will you pee pee on me, Please
I ain’t never seen an ass like that
Cause the way you move it, you make my slinky go d-doing doing doing

a swirl of hysteria, utter desperation, severe comedy and ultimate frustration all mashed up in a bowl of chocolate ice cream. i love chocolate ice cream. but it tastes horrible with all those stuff mixed up together.

posted by junquan 14/06/05 12:33 PM

Comments (52)

did it ever cross you that i have feelings too and im not invisible though im non existent. it feels like shit when somebody tells me that when i ask what u guys are talking about. screw u la. fine la if im not welcome then so be it. rot and die for all i care. insolent. what?! u think im having a jolly good time? ill kick ur ass n shove my shorts down ur throat. seeing all that happened, i think ive really lost my identity. splinter. when everyone has somewhere to go, where am i? lala just floating around.. it sounds selfish here, but what are humans made of? emotions.

posted by junquan 10/06/05 3:57 AM

Comments (56)

the end is near.

damn first week of june down. and i havent reli done anythinGG!!!!!'cept for sleeping eating n more sleeping n more eating. manz time to work out n start revision for OOOOOOOOOOOssss. siAnx *yawnZ*

the end is close. soon itll all be over. god bless.

posted by junquan 03/06/05 11:16 AM

4C bbq todayz. quite funN laR. played bball barefoot which wAs a BIGGGG mistake. resulted in a humongously humongous blister which burst. pain siaAz. nahaaz nt bad my first outdoor activity in 5 months. highlight of the day: zong ji mi ma. eat fishball like siaaoo.ate nine sia but nvm shihui ate 20!!!! nahhaaz. think ill develop fishball phobia v soonN. must have this type of thingy more often.

honestly i still cant figure out why it happened. i guess no one will ever really understand. perhaps they just cant see and i dunt know what to think, what to say anymore. i just wished that i could leave everything behind and start anew. or maybe ive just been thinking too much, about myself. i dunt know. i dunt even know what im feeling for now. however, ive felt something which i have never felt for a very long time. i was happy. i lost myself at the bbq today, occupied with so much fun n laughter that i totally forgot everything. everything. guess ill just have to go out more often instead of cooping myself at home.

posted by junquan 28/05/05 4:35 PM

Comments (57)

[edit]27 may 11.48pm
you3 shi2 hou4, wo3 jue3 de2 wo3 zhen1 de hen3 mei2 yong4. zhi3 neng3 yan2 zheng1 zheng1 de kan4 jian4 shi4 qing2 fa1 shen1. dou1 bu4 zhi1 dao4 yao4 shuo1 she3 me4. ye2 xu3 wo3 tai4 zi4 si1 le4, bu2 hui4 an1 wei4 bie2 ren2, bu2 hui4 hong3 bie2 ren2.

total sentences spoken:<5
i thought i had already forgotten and given up on this person. only did i realise that from the beginning, i have had never. did the past even happen? who had given up on who? im insensitive to people's emotions n what not n i reli wouldnt know if you dont tell me. words just seem to run out between us. maybe we're in two different worlds.
what to do? i dun even seem to have anything to say anymore.

things come n go, what will stay will stay n what will go will go. perhaps i have not experienced this kind of separation but is it really all that important? perhaps its because i hardly even know these people.damn, n why are bad memories so hard to swallow?

god-given chance.
shattered thoughts.
faked ignorance.
ambivalent.
all over again.
wishing to reach inside.
tell me,
because i wont know if you dont.

im not a despicable person.
i will not make use of something that is not even mine to begin with.
i have never learnt to put it behind after all this while.
afterall,i still blame the blamed .
when will i ever be able to forget.
even to forgive?

honestly i hate you,
but i like you too.
and honestly i hate myself,
but at the same time, i like myself too.

twisted fate.
only by raising the dam,
will the troubled waters ease.

posted by junquan 26/05/05 2:37 PM

its back.
again.
why?

unspeakable truth.
unconsoling facts.
undeniable denial.
never ending grief.

amidst wild thorns.
affinity,
none.

haunted by the past.
frightened of the present.
cynical about the future.

wrongful decision.
shouldnt even decide,
in the beginning.

wrong time,
wrong place,
wrong people.

begging for relief.
new malah,
new blog,
impossible.

antisocial.
alone.
black.

haunted by the past.

posted by junquan 12/05/05 10:11 AM

sometimes its better to have someone or two beside

dropped dead. wasting time. snap out of it. i hate myself. damnation.

posted by junquan 01/05/05 6:59 AM

when you want to give up, to let go, always ask yourself - have you done your best?

posted by junquan 24/04/05 8:45 AM

Comments (57)

manzzz. mid yrs around the corner in two weeks time. lalaaa n im still so slack. bwahahahaaa. well, just dunt feel like doing anything todayzzz. in other words im sian-ded. bleahxxx. btw any one noes how to load up music into the bloggy?

aaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHxxxx told myself to study study study study, but most of the time i ended up slacking slacking slacking slacking slacking slacking slacking slacking or either completing my homework. oh mannzzzz feeeeeeel so unmotivated. okie lets see, im gonna blast my english judging from my horrible language capability. tsk tsk, from an a1 in sec1 to an a2 in sec 2, then a b3 in sec 3, what now? b4? c5? feel like giving up on it liao. i just seem to be horribly horrible at it n its worsening day by day. manzzz. okie, chinese, not as bad just take can get very unlucky at zuo wen. PHYSICSSSSSSSS!!!!! okie la i think i gave up already. do i need to say anymore? chem, hmmmxxx kinda sucky at it coz i keep forgeting what i memorised. e/amaths, hehxx yayyyy. geog!!!! bwahahaaaaZ ss/ hist BwahahahaaAAA okiee this is the last battle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! manzxzz but i think ive lost the battle already. haishhhxx.

btw chill man pple. cheer upx.

posted by junquan 23/04/05 10:44 AM

this is my life. i live it and i live only once!!!! so scrammmmm!!!!!!! i can live any way i want!!!!!!! hmmm... being a bit selfish there... whoOOOOO CCCCaaaaaRRRReeeeeeeesssssss bleaaaaaaaaaaaggghhhhXXXXX. my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life

did i say that i hated hypocrites? well i did and i still do. ahhhh gettttt OUUUUTTTTTTTT!!!! my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life
they say small minds think about people, mediocre minds think about how things work, and great minds think about ideas to make things work. ahhhhaaaa smaaaallll miNNNNNDDDDD bleaaaaaggghhhhhxxx stop talking about ppl behind their backs will you???!!! and stop talking about nothing else but ppls businessss!!!!!!!! bllleeaaaaagggghhhhhXXX.

THIS IS my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life my life mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine!!!!!!!

posted by junquan 18/04/05 9:15 AM

i had always thought that i was doing the right thing, and doing the right thing will never land me in a spot. apparently it seems like doing the right thing is not so right afterall.

the whole system is corrupt, broken and in total devastation. was it our doings? the greatest favour that one can do now is to restore it to its original grandeur and he will be praised for generations on. i cant do it, im not the one. For i see no point in doing so as i no longer feel for it. they put a complete invalid trust in me, i told them before but they wouldnt listen. they chose the wrong person, i told them before but they wouldnt listen. i am not the right person for them to clear the mess they've created.

i no longer see the point in bearing anti organisation sentiments.whether you voice your displeasure out loud or protest silently, nothing will be done to improve the situation. no single person dares to or is willing to. however, neither will i turn to pro-organisation. this whole place is plagued with darkness much more horrible than the black death and vandalised so much that only ugliness reigns supreme. i'd seen enough and i'd bore enough grudges to turn my whole world upside down. it is time to let go because it is totally hopeless already. whatever i say has lost its meaning because they arent receptive to commentsat all. they are kim il jong and castro. they only allow you to say what they wanna hear and can only make feeble boasts about princely achievements created solely by the people of this People's Democratic Republic.let it burn and rot for i do not care anymore. it is ironic as i saw light three years back. ta ru wo xiao, guang mang wan zhang. the republic is lost.

posted by junquan 11/04/05 11:02 AM